TWIL (This Week I Learned)
This week I continued contemplating integrity. A small explosion helped.
My scheduled conversation could not take place because a small explosion interrupted our cell and internet service for more than an entire day.
The week included quite a few deep and thoughtful conversations (a few recorded which will be future episodes) and a few more casual with family and friends that convinced me that I am not certain we all agree on what integrity means.
There are two common answers to what integrity is. First, it’s sticking to a strict moral code. Second, people sometimes say that it’s doing what you say you will do.
I had a super stressed out moment when the new restrictions were announced in British Columbia. I went straight to my favorite reactive place and froze. I could almost feel my hands pressed against my ears, not wanting to hear anything.
I have a feeling I am not alone — I got the sense that many of us were in a reactive state around the new restrictions. (Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, by the way)
Freezing reminded me that, perhaps obviously, we can’t have integrity when we’re over-stressed. We can’t have integrity when we have unresolved trauma.
I wonder if you agree?
2. Quote
“Everyone is wildly ‘pro-integrity,’ but ask them what integrity actually means and they can rarely tell you, let alone translate their definition into specific behavioral expectations.”
— Christopher Bauer, PhD, a fraud specialist and author of “Better Ethics NOW: How To Avoid The Ethics Disaster You Never Saw Coming”
“Until the great mobs could be educated into a moral sense, someone must cry: "Thou shalt not!”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, This Side of Paradise
3. Prompt
Last week I asked: What is your moral and ethical code? Do you adhere to it strictly?
This week I want to build on that. Does your moral code feel integral or is it more a series of “thou shalt nots?”
4. Quest
When you are moving through your day, are you aware of times when you are coming from a place of reaction (fight, flight, freeze or fawn) or a deeper, more responsive place?
This week feels like an important time for a reminder of ways to “activate our vagus nerves” :) — It’s weirdly simple to do. I list many ways to do this in the (free) course I made on Self Care.
Three simple ideas are: take 5 slow, deep breaths, give (do something pro-social for others), sing (in the shower, maybe?)
Try to incorporate at least one “vagus nerve activation” exercise each day.
Consider that when you are calm, less reactive, you can better access your integrity.
5. Level-UP / Go Deeper
Consider the courage it takes to show up with integrity. There is a concept from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy called the “Wise Mind” — Wise Mind exists at the cross section of your logical mind and your emotional mind.
Consider that having integrity requires coming from your “Wise Mind”
- POD Poem of the day — (Susie Shulman — An Everyday Integrity)
- Course (Self Care Kit — A short course on putting together everything you need to take care of yourself in stressful moments)
Video (Lester Tanaka — Aligning Integrity With Identity)
This video is **so** good. Quiet, not super slick, but the message is important.
9. Hero: Parker Palmer —Activist
Why? I linked to his page on On Being where he was a columnist for a few years. Quaker Elder, Activist, Educator. I just discovered him through the video I shared, above, by Lester Tanaka. He seems to embody integrity.
10. Take Care of Yourself This Week and Share if you know someone who might like this.
Wild and Precious Podcast, the audio partner to 10 Things, is available everywhere you download podcasts. Justice, Identity, and Integrity episode Thursday (hopefully) with Cam Brewer.