Welcome to another episode of Wild and Precious Conversations. This week, you have an assignment: either go and listen to Brene Brown’s Unlocking Us episode interviewing Emily and Amelia Nagosky, or sign up for my free Self Care First Aid Kit Course.
This week I spent a good amount of time editing again — I will admit that I had gotten lazy, but a wonderful piece of feedback gave me renewed resolve to spend the hours editing. Let me know your thoughts....
This week in the newsletter, I wrote that the opposite of uncertainty is boredom. This is true and we will always have uncertainty with us. The key is learning how to live with uncertainty.
This really requires two things, which can be neatly tied up in a mantra I use in my own family: “Feel all your feelings; choose your behavior”
After listening to Brene Brown’s interview with Emily and Amelia Nagosky, I realized I ought to spell out both parts.
Feel all your feelings. This means not only feel every feeling, but fell your feelings all the way through. Really allow your feelings to flow through you, from beginning to end. This requires some (fun!) strategies, since we often need to “smile and wave, boys” during our day, and then allow ourselves to feel our feelings when it’s safe.
In other words, perhaps you’re in a very dysfunctional work situation. You can’t express your emotions at work; it’s not safe. You wait until you get home, to a safe space and time, and then you go ahead and continue to feel your feelings.
What happens when you don’t feel your feelings all the way through? You get stuck. You either get sick, yes, physically sick. Or you numb your emotions through one of several methods: alcohol, shopping, gambling, bingeing/purging (my old fav), porn, etc. Or you both numb and get sick.
Why? Because emotions are “involuntary neurological events in your body” <= thank you, Emily Nagosky via Brene Brown.
So, what are the 8 ways you can feel your feelings all the way through?
Positive Social Interaction
Creative Self Expression
Now. Now, you’re in a settled, balanced, relaxed state and you are ready to make some good decisions. Enter Emily Oster, Economist at Brown University. These are slightly reworded in a way that I normally use them.
Reframe your question with two or three options.
Consider ways to honor your safety
(4.5) Weigh upsides and downsides carefully — really consider whether the upsides are such that any downsides are something you are willing to risk. If there are no downsides, really consider your Yes.
Make your decision.
That’s it! I go into a lot more detail in the podcast — Let me know what you think. Thank you!
Onward. Next week we continue this series on Connectedness (see, it’s all connected :)) We move into the idea of kin and what that means. Guests are imminent.
The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong!
And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you.